Things BIG men don't understand

Roller coasters with over the shoulder harness

Who originally came up with this thing? Kirk Cameron? Michael J. Fox? The future child of Justin Beiber who hasn't even been conceived yet but can fit into the over the shoulder harness?

Sorry, I got distracted by the fangs on the guy in the yellow shirt. Those are fangs right? I'm kinda freaked out...anyway...

An awesome experience is standing in line for a few hours, finally getting your turn, and then discovering that the over the shoulder harness has a better chance transforming into the family robot in Rocky IV than actually fitting over your shoulders.

Then it only gets better by the employed teenage kid with bad acne who weighs as much as a constipated chicken trying to shove the harness back into the big man thinking that if it clicks it has to be safe.

Did I mention the pure joy of having to exit the ride alone? It's a walk of shame mixed with a little rage that a high school football coach once yelled at you to push press more! Why Coach Dudik!? Why!?

I'm convinced that there is a conspiracy that every over shoulder harness roller coaster was built with the dimensions of Bill Gates or Steve Jobs who would then buy every single roller coaster as personal toys.

I'm on to you roller coaster design companies! But you'll come around, just like every clothing company in america.