Things BIG men don't understand


So I needed to take the shutters down on the house, wash them, repaint them, and get them back on the house.  My house has two stories with a sharp angled roof near the upstairs windows.  How does a BIG man handle such a vertical test?  Of course I removed the windows so I could reach outside and unscrew the shutters.  You didn't think the BIG man was going up a ladder did you?

This is where the plot thickens (An insulting term to the BIG man I do believe).

As I'm dangling out the window with one hand on the frame, to make sure I don't plummet to the ground, and the other holding onto a power drill I hear someone say, "You know, taking a direct shot at those shutters using a ladder would probably be easier."

No, it wasn't God.

It was my neighbor Tom, who happens to be a professional painter.  And Tom is right, walking up a ladder would be the right way for this project unless you're a BIG man.  A BIG man trusts a ladder as much as a mouse trusts a snake.  Someone's going to get hurt.

Tom, in a polite way, asks me to come over and help him carry one of his many ladders to my house.  He props it in my yard so that it runs across a 45 degree angle up to the window.  He kindly explains that if I just walk up the ladder I can prop my feet against the last couple of steps to work instead of having to try to stand on the roof.

In theory, it's a great idea.  Tom say's, "Try it out, climb the ladder."  I didn't want to look like a total sissy so I approach the ladder and I see what all ladders have...a capacity limit.  This ladder has a test capacity limit of 225 lbs.  I freeze in my tracks.  "Hey Tom, I sure appreciate how you look at me but the last time I knew about 225 lbs was in the eighth grade."

Tom turns his head to the side kindly and says, "Really?"

I have to look Tom in the eye and tell him there is no way in a snow balls chance in that hot place that liars go to am I getting on that ladder.

So what happened with my shutters?



This is Tom.

BIG men don't do ladders.  Tom, however, is like a tight rope walker.