The portable baptismal
You don't see to many BIG friends profess'n some faith at your non-denominational church do ya? There's a pretty good reason for that: it's those dang portable baptismals.
People want this to be a revelation of the holy spirit not a revelation of your BMI (Google it). Skinny pastor: when you fill the portable baptismal to the brim the BIG man is anxious that the carpet won't dry for weeks after being baptized.
Skinny people don't have any respect for the rise in water level. Shoot, for that matter neither does the BIG man because the bathtub looks more like a cage than a place to get clean.
All I'm saying is the BIG man might like to be be dunked in order to put the old self to death without the faithful in the front row getting confused by thinking that they've been transported to SeaWorld because the spray of water just hit them.