BIG man

Things Big Men Don't Understand: The tree deer stand

One day I woke up and thought, "What's the best way to have a near death experience while trying to take the life of a non expectant four legged animal?" I found my answer: The tree deer stand.

So many things the big man doesn't understand about the tree deer stand. Here's ten questions I would ask before purchasing:

1.  I have to climb the tree to set it up?

2.  I'm sorry, do you know the test weight on that wire holding it to the tree?

3.  Is this sold with a harness and what sizes does that come inl?

4.  If a big man falls in the forest and no one is around to hear him cuss at himself for climbing up in a tree as he falls, is there any photo evidence for his friends he made it all the way to the stand before falling?

5.  So it doesn't come with a built in cooler?

6.  Does the Little Giant ladder company make a stand?

7.  Do you think my scissor lift will spook the deer?

8.  Couldn't I just paint my scissor lift camo and call it a tree stand?

9.  You want me to handle a firearm AND try to climb a tree?

10.  Has no one invented a drone for deer strikes yet!?  What the crap!?

The deer stand makes the big man SMH.

Things BIG men don't understand

TSA Bins

You might call it a bin, the BIG man sees a shoe box.  The BIG man comes to the conveyer belt at the TSA check point and he starts thinking bin count.  One for shoes.  One for jacket and belt.  One for the bag.  One for the electronic.  By the time the BIG man is ready for the body scan the entire conveyer belt is full!  BIG man looks behind him and sees the normal man drop his shoes, jacket, belt, and bag into a single bin.  Normal man looks impatient, BIG man thinks about picking the normal man up by his ears.  

Things BIG men don't understand

Sleep number beds

As a former owner of a sleep number bed I say pffffffff.  A sleep number bed is like a bathtub for the BIG man.  The normal man fills the tub to so high and hops in.  The BIG man pays far more attention to the water level before getting in, after all, who wants to have to redo the floors because of the tsunami that just occured?  Same goes for the sleep number - a firm setting for the BIG man leads to a broken nose for kid who leaps on that side face first after the BIG man gets up.  Why the broken nose?  Because the child's nose just hit the that crazy plastic bed frame under the air pad.  Sorry kid, get a smaller father.

Things BIG men don't understand

Stadium Cushions

Went to see my favorite college football team over the weekend and was a little alarmed by the stadium cushion.  When your foot is larger than your supposed seat the BIG man is in trouble.  I thought we were in the wrong seats and that we had somehow slipped into the section with seats for children.  Luckily, there was more standing than sitting at the game but I never really sat down..just half of me did.  As you can see from my picture my calves would have been comfortable in that chair but my butt certainly wasn't!